They’re overcompen-state-ing for something. Alabama men have laid claim to the most titanic tallywackers in the country, according to a raunchy new study that asked American males to measure their own members — and then ranked states according to average penis size.
Alas, New York placed outside the top ten — but researchers suggested that the dong decathlon may have certain shortcomings, as respondents in some regions were found to sex-aggerate their manhood measurements.
To gauge phallus length by region, New York City-based proctology firm Bespoke Surgical polled more than 1,300 men across the 50 states about their dimensions when fully erect.
The shlong surveyors also asked participants what measurements they give “when asked by potential partners, dates, or significant others” to help estimate the level of embellishment.
Finally, they amassed the responses and deduced the averages, which ranged from 5.22 inches to over seven inches.
As mentioned before, Alabama won this national battle of the bulge with an average size of 7.44 inches at full mast — over a full inch longer than the self-reported national average of 6.41 inches.
Apparently things are bigger below the Bible Belt, because coming in second was Louisiana, where residents say they pack an average of 7.15 inches below the waist.
We’ve listed the top ten states in terms of self-proclaimed penis size below:
- Alabama (7.44)
- Louisiana (7.15)
- West Virginia (7)
- Vermont (6.98)
- Utah (6.97)
- Oklahoma (6.93)
- Alaska (6.92)
- Florida (6.85)
- South Dakota (6.85)
- Maine (6.78)
On the other end of the size spectrum were Delaware (5.22), New Mexico (5.36), Maryland (5.50), Georgia (5.69), and Rhode Island (5.83), which all ranked well below the self-reported average.
Or perhaps these respondents were simply the most honest.
Turns out, Louisiana — which placed number 2 in terms of size — also ranked as the state with the “biggest average exaggeration” (8.07), along with one of the biggest discrepancies (0.92) between what they say they’re packing and what they’re really hiding in their drawers.
“Interestingly, we didn’t see a pattern or correlation between states and the average penis size by state, though the Deep South was guilty of the highest exaggerations,” study authors wrote.
In other words, their nose might be growing longer than their Johnson.
The study noted that the average penis size as determined by other non-self-reported studies was between 5 and 5.5 inches — that’s well below the average self-report, the pecker peekers said.
They attributed this figurative fluffing to the fact that penis size surveys often suffer from volunteer bias, wherein more well-endowed might be more willing to volunteer for a size survey than their smaller counterparts.
In turn, this can skew the data and make the average “seem longer than may actually be true,” per the study.
Ultimately, the python prodders concluded that people shouldn’t “worry about ‘measuring up’ to the average size penis in America.
“After all, size doesn’t matter, it’s all about how you use it,” they said.
